Getting ready for an appointment about your child
How to prepare for a GP visit, a paediatrician, a therapist or a school meeting: what to bring, what to ask, and how to keep hold of what was said.
Appointments about your child come in all shapes. A 15-minute GP visit. A paediatrician you waited months to see. A first session with a speech-language therapist or an occupational therapist. A meeting at school with 4 adults around a small table. Each of them can feel like it matters a great deal, and each of them tends to go faster than you expect.
We have walked out of plenty of them and remembered, in the car park, the thing we meant to say. That is not a sign you are doing it wrong; it is what happens when you are carrying a lot and the clock is short. What has helped us is a little preparing beforehand and a few minutes of writing afterwards. Here is what we do now. Every family and every appointment is different, so take what fits.
Write down the main reason you are going
Before the appointment, write a sentence or 2 on what you most want from it. Not everything that is going on, just the main thing. If time runs short, the main thing still gets said. It helps the person you are seeing too: a GP who knows in the first minute what you are worried about can spend the rest of the visit on it.
Bring what you have noticed, with rough dates
The person you are seeing may have your child for half an hour. You see the rest. A short list of what you have noticed, roughly when it started, how often it happens and what seems to make it easier or harder gives them far more to work with than “it’s been a hard few months”. If a teacher, an early learning teacher or a grandparent has noticed something, their few lines can help as well. A photo or a short video of something that is hard to describe may help too, if your child is comfortable with that.
What to bring The referral or appointment letter, the most recent reports, a list of any medicines with their doses, and your notes from the last appointment. If you have already told the story to someone else, their letter can save you telling it again.
Put your questions in order
Write your questions down and put the most important ones at the top. Some we have found useful: What do you think is going on, and is there anything else it could be? What happens next, and who does it? How long might that take? What should we watch for, and who do we contact if things change? Is there anything we can try in the meantime?
It is fine to ask someone to explain a word, or to say it again more slowly. It is also fine to say “I need a moment to think about that” and come back to it at the end.
Take someone with you, if you can
A partner, a grandparent, a friend. They can listen, take notes, or keep your child busy while you talk. At health appointments in New Zealand, the Code of Health and Disability Services Consumers’ Rights says you can have a support person with you, with a few limits around safety. It also says you can ask for a written summary of the information you were given, and for an interpreter where you need one and it is reasonably practicable. Schools are not covered by that Code, but most will make room for a support person if you let them know beforehand.
If no one can come, it may be worth asking whether you can record the conversation on your phone. Most people say yes when they know why.
Think about your child’s part in it
Some children are happy to talk; others would rather not hear themselves discussed. Decide beforehand, with your child if they are old enough, how much they want to say, and whether part of the conversation might happen without them in the room. Something to eat, something to hold and a plan for the waiting room can make a long wait shorter for everyone.
Before you leave the room
Check you know what happens next, who is doing it, and roughly when. If a referral is being made, ask where it is going and how you will hear about it. If a letter will follow, ask whether you can have a copy. Write those answers down before you drive away.
Afterwards, a few lines is enough
On the day, write a few lines: who you saw, what they said, what was agreed and what you are waiting for. When the letter arrives, keep it with your notes. The next time someone asks “what did the paediatrician say?”, you will have the answer, and the next appointment can start where this one finished.
If you got through an appointment with a tired child and a full head, you did a good job, whatever you remembered to ask. You know your child better than anyone else in that room. This is just a way of making sure what you know gets heard.
If you want to read further
This guide is our experience, with some help from the pages below. None of it is required reading; they are the ones we kept coming back to, mostly official pages, and they will always be more current than we are.
- Healthcare appointments: tips for interacting with healthcare providers KidsHealth’s practical list for parents: what to bring, writing questions down, and asking for things to be explained.
- Code of Health and Disability Services Consumers’ Rights The Health and Disability Commissioner’s plain list of the 10 rights, including a support person, information you can understand and a written summary on request.
Written and looked after by the Champ team. If something here is out of date, or you know a better way, hello@champ.kiwi.